Scrumdillyumptious deliberations decussate my cacophrenic on Tuesdays…

I like you, do you perchance like me?

May 22, 2013

Alright. I am 21.I felt like bringing that up, because a follower asked me the other day. So I thought I would announce it again.
My age also tells you a lot about me. Like how I don’t have a career or how I don’t have a family.
But I suppose age is no longer telling about that.
I don’t have those things.

The problem with associating with men around my age (or really anyone) is that there are so many games that they like to play socially.
There are these unwritten rules that some idiot made up and now everyone plays them.
And if you don’t play them, you end up bitter and alone.
I’m sure you know all about that. (Not being bitter and alone, but the games. Or both)

Okay, I am a very direct person.
Not an annoying direct person or an aggressively direct person (I have tact). I am just a person who believes in acting how they feel and being upfront about it.
Even when I was in school and younger, I didn’t want to play the games. Why?
Because I don’t understand these games. There are no purpose to them.
Monopoly? I understand the purpose of that game and I dominate.
Battleship? That’s a game I could definitely get behind.
Social Games?
Never.

So, the one social game that I have always struggled with in terms of men is the fact that you are not supposed to tell them you like them. You are not supposed to text them a lot and you are not supposed to act interested.

Let me break down more, Social games tell us that I am supposed to act cold to people I enjoy.

No.
Can’t do it.
If I want to text someone, I am not going to sit and wait 45 minutes to reply just so he assumes that I have a life. If I like someone or I think they are handsome, I am going to tell them and often.
Why? Well I support good self-esteem. I’m weird like that.
I want to be real with people. And when I like someone, I want to let them know.
Because when someone compliments me or tells me they like me, I don’t feel like they have no life or that they are ruin the mystery.
I feel good about myself and I want to associate with them.

So, how is not playing be this social rule working for me?
Mind boggling enough, it’s not.
Men lose interest in me fairly quickly.
One of my blogging friends yesterday said that by telling them how much I like them and being nice to them, I am ruining the mystery and offering myself up on a silver platter.

Again, I don’t get it.
In my mind, offering myself up to someone would be me saying:

Hi, I’m Corrie. Nice to meet you. I will gladly have sex with you and do your bidding now.

Not the alternative of what I do say, which goes like

I really enjoy talking to you. You make me smile.

And as for the mystery, just because I am saying that I like someone doesn’t mean they know everything about me. Doesn’t mean there is nothing else to me besides compliments.
So if that suddenly kills all mystery, then I think myself and the dictionary have misinterpreted what the word “mystery” means.

So, the fact that I am nice and genuine is a social taboo and a huge turn off. Men hate that.

You know what?
They can go straight to hell.
There is this dude there, Satan, and he is the biggest douche ever. You’ll love it.
This guy will straight up torture you for eternity. It will be the happiest forever you’ll ever have.

But seriously. Can’t we just be real?
Can’t we just have a moment where we say what we really think and what we really want?

What I want is a guy that I can hang out with. Not necessarily marry or spend forever with, but spend right now with. A cool guy that I can tell him how handsome he is and how awesome he is all the time. Then I can brag about him like he’s Batman and make him baked goods.
And we’ll watch Jurassic Park and Adventure Time together while I give him lovely kisses. We will also hold hands.

Since I am clearly an anomaly here, I think it’s important to look at what I want objectively.
When re-reading that I threw up in my mouth a little.
What is wrong with this chick? Does she know anything about men and what they want?
She needs to get it together.
…..

I mean, obviously I am a monster and just plain repulsive.
Dating me would be just awful.
C0me on you guys.

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Esoteric, Musical Expression

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Sitting At Home Alone All Day

May 21, 2013

Okay, when I was working, I would always get these text messages from my sister saying things like

I miss you. Quit your job.

Which was unrealistic, but at least my sister dreams big.

Then when I would come home from work, I would be so tired and just want to lay around for the rest of the day and she would be so excited that I was here.
She would want to play and go out and such, when I really just wanted to do nothing.
And it is okay to say that I wanted to do nothing, because I was working 40 hours a week.

Now we have a bit of a role reversal thing going on.
She just got a big job. (You know, career quality. PFF!) And I have no job.
So I sit around all day and do nothing by myself.

I remember when I was a kid and my mother would let me stay home sick from school. And even the times when I really was sick, I would always think “YES! I am going to sit around and watch TV all day.”
Almost like being a home schooled kid.
But then the most crushing disappointment would come: There was nothing good ever on TV until about 2 pm.
It was all Nick Jr. and Mickey’s Playhouse (No one is allowed to have a playhouse, but Pee-Wee).
Which just sums up the point that even as an adult, there is nothing good that ever happens in the middle of the day on a weekday.
You just sit here.
Or nap.

So, by the time people do start to come home from school and from work, you are so excited to see them. You are so excited that there is at least one other person around, so you don’t have to think about how unproductive you were that day.

But here is the difference between my sister and I. Usually when people come home, I still want to do nothing.
I am just a home body and lately my home bodying is in full force.
I don’t know if I am subconsciously bummed about not having a job, or I just am lethargic, but the last week I have wanted to do nothing but lay around.
So I have.
And I need to stop it.
Next week.

HEY! It’s Monster Week this week. You can’t expect me to do anything during Monster or Shark week.
Come on now.

 

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Amelia

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Rebel Song

May 17, 2013

So, I have been listening to this song quite a lot for the last two weeks.

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It’s from the “Where the Wild Things Are” soundtrack. The whole soundtrack was written specifically for that movie. I only bring that up, because a lot of times listening to music like that out of context can be a little weird.

Anyways, I love this song because it reminds me of doing something reckless. (Which is exactly the scene it was written for.)
It is about running away. Forgetting everything and just being wild.

Every time I listen to it, I picture myself just running through the woods screaming and just letting everything all go.

With all that has been happening lately, all of the things that have gone wrong, I just feel like screaming a little bit. Not screaming at the top of my lungs. But just screaming, dancing and running around like I’ve gone crazy.
Just like the song. Just like the movie.
And every time that I listen to this song, it makes me feel like I am doing that in a way.
Except without being so immature.

Anyways, this is a short post. Not super exciting.
Just a small though.

That is all.

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Musical Expression

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I have….stuff I want to do, okay?

May 16, 2013

I have this flaw in my personality.
I am sure by now that many of you can find multiple flaws in my personality, but I would appreciate it if we could just focus on the one so I don’t have to change anything about myself.
In fact, why don’t we just focus on the positive things about myself, okay? Come on.

Anyways, I have recently had a few things happened that led to me starting a project.
I am not going to talk about the project right now, but the fact that I am so hesitant to talk about my freaking project I am starting.

There are many people in my life (including quite a few of my followers on here) who are consistently interested in the things that I am doing with my life and ask me.Well, for a lot of people who when I said “I am going to start a project”, of course they were super interested in what this “project” was.
In fact, now that I think about it, the word project is like a tease to tell someone, yet I have done it consistently for the last couple of days.
Cause I am a jerk.

Well anyways, when someone would ask me what my elusive project was, I immediately felt nervous and a bit embarrassed. Happened every single time.
I was first worried that maybe they would steal my idea. I am not sure where this stemmed from, but yesterday I was talking to a friend and she just looked at me and said:

Corrie, that’s mean. Why would I steal your idea?

I felt a little stupid, but I can’t always have the most logical fears.

But another issue is that a lot of the time when I start to bring up anything I do (my blog, my art, my music) it makes me slightly embarrassed.
First off, because it makes me feel like I am self promoting myself.
And second, because I don’t pretend that I have the best ideas or that the things I produce (even my blog) are the best.
It’s quite the opposite actually.
I can’t tell you how many times (at least 3 times a week) that I post a blog post and right afterwards I feel the biggest the urge to go back and delete it.
But I don’t. I have a strict policy to never delete a blog post simply because I have insecurities.

So, basically, one of the many things I am going to work on is being willing to talk about my hobbies and projects with people who are interested.

Good.

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Amelia

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Things My Mother Said To Me Today.

May 15, 2013

Okay, first off I want to mention that this is not a late Mother’s Day post. I only bring this up, because I feel that it would lessen my post if I was doing it for Mother’s Day.
If I am going to post about my mother, I want to do it because she is doing something great. Not simply because there is a holiday telling me too.
Fight the Power?

Anyways, now that I am currently jobless (Ehhh, sound so bad) I am spending a lot of time at home. Obviously.
I don’t know if I am getting a lot more done now that I am at home for most of the day, but I am still here.
So, since I am home more often, I am clearly around my Mother more often than usually.

My mother and I are a little bit different. There are a lot of parts of me that my mother is the complete opposite.
Now, we look crazy similar to each other. I am probably the child that looks the most like her. When looking at a lot of her pictures from when she was in her twenties, many people have confused it with me.
But on a general basis, I don’t see some of the similarities between her and myself.

Yet there are days like today where she starts saying things that aren’t necessarily things I would say, but they do sound like something I would think about.I have examples.

So, today when my mother got home, she first asked me if I would go with her to do something. I have nothing to do all day, so I agreed.
When we got into the car, she started off the conversation with:

I think there must be a full moon tonight, cause I am having a weird day.

PFF! What?
Now, what she said afterwards wasn’t very weird, but the correlation she made from her weird to the moon cycles is actually something that I could see myself do.
In fact, that is exactly something that I would say and I am sure somewhere in the future I will.

Then later she told me that she bought a spanking stick.
When I was a young teenager my mother used to buy paint stirring sticks and she used to call them her “Spanking Sticks”. She bought them for my older teenage brother and his friends. I never saw her seriously spank one of them with it and even if she did, they really don’t hurt.
Anyways, today she bought some paint stirring “spanking” sticks and apparently her co-workers had a fit. Saying that was so wrong and that they would never hit their child.
When telling my mother about it, she said:

What is wrong with these people? They don’t even spank their children?
Weirdos.

Oh Mother, how you pretend you beated your children.
We did get spankings, but not that often. I just rolled my eyes.

Then when we were in the store, a man walked past us and she said that he was checking me out. She always gets super excited when this happens, I never even notice.
So, I asked her what he did that she could tell.
She replied with:

Well, you are a tall drink of water and he looked PARCHED.

Uhh, What?
Mother, what are you saying to me right now?
Somehow all of this just makes me smile and think “Oh, I really am your child.”

Not Adopted.

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Esoteric

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Wonder what will happen tomorrow.

May 14, 2013

Okay, I am having quite the week already.
You know how sometimes on Sundays you write posts about moving on even though bad things keep happening.
Sometimes people write a post about how the world is still turning and that even though you are down about it, you should still get out and make stuff happen cause life is still going on?

Well sometimes after you announce to the universe that you are not going to let things get to you, it decides to test you on that.
The Universe is a huge tease in that way.
To make a long story short, yesterday I was unjustly fired. That job that I had previously mentioned many times and many of my followers told me to quit….No worries. They fired me. Based on lies. No Big Deal.
And today I had an identity fraud scare which led to me having to completely close my bank account and re-open a new one with the same bank.
So, Monday I was fired.
Tuesday I had an identity theft scare.
What is going to happen tomorrow?

Strangely though, and I suppose it goes back to my post on Sunday, as I was walking back after the second crisis of the week, I was laughing thinking about the beating I am taking this week.

I have noticed that it is not until the end of the day that I realize that I am still in a funk.
I can wake up in the morning. I can get dressed and get going. I can make sure that I get things done.
But at the end of the day or even around 5, it’s when I start to slow down. I start to feel that gross defeat again.

It’s not really a depression, but more of an uninspired and defeated feeling.
Just an all around blah.

So, even though earlier today I was laughing at my misfortunes, this afternoon I am not as pleased with them.
Which right after I wrote that I had to laugh a little.

You’re not happy with your misfortunes, Corrie? Really?
How weird.

Anyways, I am hoping that tomorrow doesn’t bring some sort of catastrophe. Some emergency that has me running out to the bank or being escorted from a building like a criminal. But if something along those lines does happen, I think I am handling it pretty well.
In fact, I’m pretty much killing it in the bad luck department.

So, how is your week going?

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Life is still happening.

May 12, 2013

The world is still turning.
I just really wanted to throw that out there.

For some reason I find that to be a completely comforting phrase.
I’ve been kinda having a hard time lately.
Rephrase: I’ve been having a super hard time in life lately.
Do you ever have a specific period where suddenly no one seems to be digging what you are putting out?
You’re doing things the way you always have. Being nice. Not particularly have changed anything to where  problems should be coming back at you from all angles, yet suddenly they are?
That is where I am at this week.

Anyways, this morning I woke up with that phrase in my head: The world is still turning.
Things are still happening. Life goes on.

And yeah, life isn’t exactly panning out the way that I am wanting them to. But Life is still happening.
Do I want to keep getting up every morning and trying to work with what I got?
At this point, not really.
I would rather lay in bed all day wallowing.
Because wallowing is the perfect blend of pity fun and selfishness.
In truth it would probably just turn into me sleeping all day. Which I am okay with.

But that is not how this works apparently. Because people in your family come up and consistently ask you if you are going to get out of your pajamas.

The point is that this morning I woke up and I am still bummed about a lot of things that have been happening. (Not depressed, it doesn’t feel that bad. Just bummed.)
But I also had the phrase that the world was still turning in my head.
And if the world is still turning and nature is still going, it means I have to too.

That’s all.

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Amelia

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Mysteries I can’t be bothered to Solve.

May 8, 2013

I woke up this morning thinking about the Loch Ness monster. I don’t….
I also woke up with a massive head and body aches like someone was beating me up in my sleep.
I feel like we should have a brainstorming session of who would have done that, but I think it wouldn’t be as exciting since I am the only one writing this.

Now, unfortunately I am having a week where I literally have no money whatsoever. So I couldn’t purchase some sort of caffeinated beverage to ease some of what I am feeling.  And I have already gotten a paper cut.
SO! I am hoping that blogging can liven me up a  little bit. It’s a long shot, but I dare to dream.

Anyways, I went through a Lifetime phase once. It was when I was like 16 and all I would watch was Golden Girls and Lifetime movies about what to do if your son is addicted to porn.
It built character and it made my sister uncomfortable.
But the one show that she did enjoy watching with me was called “Unsolved Mysteries”, which I only thought was made in the late 80s and early 90s, but Wikipedia says no.
Apparently I only ever watched reruns from the late 80s and early 90s. And I am okay with it.
They had this excellent host who had a Rod Sterling suspenseful voice and he would always walk up to the camera in a dark room wearing a trench coat.
Classic. I loved it.
But when they started the show back up again in 2008, they got this host who looked like the dad from every sitcom I never wanted to watch.
You’re not meant to talk about mysteries, man.

There was one other huge difference between the 80s/90s Mysteries and the revamped show. In the 80s/90s we were more concerned with the Supernatural and things like Bigfoot and the Loch Ness monster.
In 2008, all we care about are murders. Serial killers, disappearances and wanted men.
The problem is that shows has too low of a budget to be covering those sorts of serious topics. |
Plus, if I was murdered, I would really appreciate it if my family didn’t go on a low-budget show telling them about my murder.
Thanks.
I guess if I wanted to hear about real murders and things of that nature, I would watch the news.
But I don’t watch the news. I prefer to be blissfully unaware. I also sort of feel like it’s none of my business or anybody else’s.

Okay, I have mentioned aliens and the Loch Ness and things like that before. I never fully elaborated on how I feel about that and 10:08 AM on a Wednesday seems like the perfect time.
Although I won’t cover aliens, that’s too long to add at the end of this post.

Alright, when it comes to talking about things like the Loch Ness monster and El Chupacabra I would first like to mention that I do not live in a trailer home.
I have all my teeth.
Fairly high functioning. Hold a steady job.
Don’t do drugs.  Have no psychological issues.

I bring this up, because I find when Scientists and even regular people doubt that these things could possibly exist, I feel it’s a little assumptive and ridiculous.
Nature has constantly proven that it can adapt creatures over years of time to become those types of creatures.
And man has proven that they can cause certain creatures to be almost extinct where we could almost never see them.

Now, I am not saying that I believe all of these things exist. Mermaids obviously don’t exist. And the idea that Big Foot is half man and half beast probably just means someone saw a guy with a beard.
I am saying that with all the sightings of these creatures, I don’t believe that everything about them is false.
I mean, if we have sharks and sting rays that can grow up to 200+ lbs., why would it be so ridiculous to think a creature could grow that size in a lake? Especially after we proved Dinosaurs exist, I mean that one seemed a little far-fetched guys.

Okay, you know how they say that at the bottom of every lie is some form of truth?
That’s how I feel about these creatures. I think there are a lot of made up stories about them. I really do.
But I also think that it’s pretty presumptuous of people to just assume something is impossible simply because no one has been able to catch it.
I can’t catch a Tiger, doesn’t mean those don’t exist. Plus, I think there are laws against that.

The point is, I am a heavy believer in nature and evolution and I don’t think that people should discount it’s ability to create monsters.

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Musical Expression, Talk Radio

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Guys, I am ignoring you on purpose.

May 6, 2013

Okay, I am a strong believe in the practice of reciprocity. I have mentioned this a couple of times, but I never really elaborated on it.
We can add that to my bucket list right after we make a bucket list for me.

Anyways, we all remember our mother’s spouting the Golden Rule at us:

Do unto others as you would have done unto you.

Or at least I remember my mother saying this to me. A lot.
And I suppose she did a good job, because now that I am older I run a lot of relationships and how I treat people based on the concept of Reciprocity.
Which is the same thing as doing to people what you want done unto you.
Now, granted I am a little sassy and I tease people a lot, especially when I like a person, so it may not seem like I am always the friendliest person alive.
But I also do like it when people do that to me. Get a nice back-and-forth. Not to use that as a cop-out, but there it is.

Now, the problem with holding a life view like Reciprocity is that it is not the same as “Do unto to others as you would have done unto you.”
No, reciprocity is one step beyond that. It’s giving out to people what you want them to give back. BUT it is also returning to them how they decide to respond to you.
For me this is the less than desirable part of this practice.

I don’t want to be rude to people. I don’t like purposely being rude to people just because they are rude to me. I would rather be pleasant with them.
BUT!
As I am finding out through working at my current job and with a couple of people in my personal life, you can only be pleasant for so long.
I think that sometimes when people are in a certain environment and they can get away with certain things, they just go for it. And no matter how much you are pleasant, smile at them and joke around with them, it won’t matter.

Something I learned last week about reciprocity, you have to do it both ways. You can’t just be nice to people while they spit in your face consistently. Because the only thing you will get is spit in your face and a possible feeling of self-righteousness (this is not guaranteed).
Last week, despite all of my attempts to foster nice feelings at my work place, two of the people who I have been the nicest too screwed me over. In the worst possible way that you can in a work environment.
It was so bad that one person that does not like me and I was only cordial with is now trying to be nice to me, because I took such a figurative beating from these people.

Now, what I have learned about reciprocity this week is that it is unhealthy sometimes to continue to try to be nice to people who are just unhappy and venomous.
So, even though I was the type of person who was raised to “Kill someone with Kindness” and raised me to “Love thy enemy”.
This is all fine and dandy, but at some point you can’t kill snakes with kindness. Life doesn’t work that way.
You can however ignore snakes and avoid them.

So, this does not necessarily mean that I am just a full on jerk to everyone in the world who is consistently mean to me. It doesn’t meant that at all.
I can’t throw off completely who I am, my personality and how I was raised.
So when it comes to reciprocity and people who are rude with you, I just ignore them and avoid them. If we do have to interact, I keep it curt and succinct.

Here is the amazing thing about this though, because I am not naturally this way to people, suddenly those people who are generally rude to you are frustrated that you would even return a small portion of this rudeness.
They don’t change the way they treat you, but more just get upset at how you treat them.
The double standard is amazing.

The point is, I have reached a point with everyone at my work and a couple of people in my personal life where I have had to cut off all contact with them unless necessary. They make me unhappy.
I hate that is has to come to that. I hate being like that.
But it is what it is.

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I cannot think of a more perfect song to go with how I feel today and reciprocating horrible treatment.
Living in a Den of Thieves and it being contagious is exactly what I am saying. At some point everyone gets done trying to work with you if you are that difficult.

There it is.

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Musical Expression, Talk Radio

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Oh, Simple Thing…

May 4, 2013

I have been thinking a lot this past week. A lot about my life, happiness and other deep thoughts. These thoughts are about me. Today they have reached their peak of needing to express them. Probably too deep for a Saturday night, but it happens that way.
I feel that something is missing in my life, but the last time I even mentioned boyfriends on here people were not very receptive. I got multiple comments which are very foreign to my blog. But I have said it since day one on here, still my blog.
This will be very personal and possibly depressing. Warned.

As I was deep in thought, one song kept playing over and over in my head:

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This song has some very descriptive lyrics to it and each one of them are a complete metaphor to how I am feeling in my life right now.
Yet I can also literally picture myself doing the things described in this song.

He first talks about walking across an empty land and I could very vividly picture myself doing exactly that, but at the same time I know that I have “walked” across many various “empty lands” in my life.
There have been many different lonely times in my life and different hard things that I had to overcome that I did alone.
I realize that this may seem silly.

But the two lyrics that hit me hardest and came to mind when I was consistently thinking why I was feeling so empty this week were these:

I’m getting old and I need something to rely on
I’m getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

Now, last time I even mentioned other people talking about me being in a relationship in my life, someone mentioned that I “have plenty of time”. (Not that this is all about relationships)
I thought about that a lot, because the issue is I actually do feel old.

I have always, even as a little girl, been way to mature for my age. I have always been told that I had a “old soul”. Even in the past and currently when people look at me, they see me as an older person.
I feel old inside and when I hang out with a lot of people my own age or even just a couple of years older than me, there is a difference. They all like me and I have lots of friends/acquaintances. We all hang out just great. Have a good time.
Still a difference.

And as for being tired, I am. Not just physically. Emotionally and mentally. I am going through something at the moment. I’m not exactly sure all the particulars of what I am going through, only my subconscious knows, but I do know how to recognize when I am going through something.
I mean, just the place I work is enough, but I know that’s not all it. I literally spend 40 hours a week at a place where they have 2 hours meetings where they just bash every single thing I do. I am obviously looking for a new job, but it takes time.
So whatever else emotionally I am going through, let’s throw that into the mix and then repress it…
Yeah, I am tired.

When I talk about repressing things, it goes back to him saying he needs something to rely on.

You know, a couple of weeks ago I tried to articulate and confide some of my feelings of loneliness and need to my sister. But there is no real way of telling someone these things without hurting their feelings. There is no way of telling your best friend you need someone else in your life, without them feeling like they are inadequate.
So it came out as “I wish I knew more people with interests like mine.”
She was still very offended. She also actually told one of our close friends that I think “people we hang out with are boring.”
Being confronted by that friend about this was one of the most shocking, embarrassing and put-on-the-spot moments of my life even though it was in private.

Let me elaborate on some of the “interests” I meant.

Last night, due to my countless hours of pondering this week, I tried to open up a little bit on some of the thoughts that I am unable to share.
My sister and I have different core beliefs. She is very religious, I am not. I go to church with her. I go to her outside of church meetings with her. She talks about her beliefs constantly.
Last night I started to just touch softly on one of the subjects of religion that I did not believe in when she was actually very upset about that aspect. I have never done this before, I usually keep my beliefs to myself.
Before I even got through my second sentence, she cut me off and told me to stop talking.
So, is it really repression when people tell me to be quiet?

Later on that night, I was upset about this and I told someone I have known for three years that I have lots of subjects that I just can’t talk about with anyone I know.
His response was that if I was looking to talk about people, I probably wouldn’t find someone.
Uhhhh. I have known for a while this person doesn’t really know me personally very well, but come on.
No, I do not feel a void of loneliness in my life because I want someone to talk crap about other people with. If I decide I want to talk crap about someone, I am going to.
But I don’t really do that very often.
You can’t see me shake my head.

So, when I said that I wish I knew someone who had similar interests as me, what interest I wish people I knew had would be….me.
I wish the people whom I know were more interested in me. Indepthly.
I know they all love being around me and I am very fun and funny. That’s fine and flattering. I do want people to enjoy being around me.
But that doesn’t mean that they are necessarily interested in me.

You know, as I have been thinking about these things I have been feeling for a while, I kept remembering this one night that I had with an ex boyfriend a long time ago.
I was really upset about something. I was crying and he sat there for hours just listening to me and rubbing my back. He never once interjected and started talking about his problems.
He never once told me that I was really negative and should “let things go”.
He just listened and was generally concerned and caring.

Obviously things went South with him, but I do remember that one night.
And I find that I am him in terms of that situation for many people around me. I listen and console them. Build them back up.
But I don’t feel that there is anyone like that in my life anymore. So far the only person who genuinely asks what is wrong with me and will sit and listen like that is my music teacher.
….The only person out of the many people I interact with consistently who takes a notice of my struggles is someone I pay weekly to sit in the same room with me.
The mix of emotions that I feel when I think about that is overwhelming. And none of them are very happy.
I should probably hire a counselor since she shouldn’t have to deal with that.

I guess what I am getting at here is that first and foremost, loneliness has never had anything to do with being alone. Biggest misconception ever.
Second, in that song when he talks about “needing somewhere to begin”, “something to rely on” and “a place that I’ve been dreaming of”.
These are all one note for me. They are one in the same.
But I don’t know where you go to find that sort of comfort and affection. So, for now, I will just repress and deal with all these emotions until they build up again and I have another long blog post such as this, which actually does help a lot with coping.

This is the end of my personal thoughts.

Category:

Esoteric, Musical Expression

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