Okay, this morning I had one of those mornings where even though you are laying in a crappy bed, you’re crazy comfortable. My body pillow was just doing everything right.
It was wrapped around me in just the right way that I almost expected a man’s arm to suddenly wrap around me. Which if it actually happened it might have been creepy when I finally realized, but in the moment it would have been perfect. Also, the last couple of days a certain friend of mine has been in a few of my dreams. Just cameo appearances, nothing super embarrassing or important. Because of this though, it makes me want to go hang out with this friend and possible make out with this friend.
But then he talks to me and I realize that my dream version of him is nothing like the in real life version.
Anyways, that was a bit of a tangent, but I started off with it.
So, I am healthy young woman.
And like any healthy young woman, I happened to have notice that there is another sex running around. Like a whole different group of people completely separated from me by appearance, anatomy and mannerism.
And like any other scientific mind out there, I feel that it is my academic duty to pay attention to this weird subspecies and to find out their strengths and some of their weaknesses so I can better know how to interact with this creature.
And one of the better strengths of this species would be when they grow facial hair.
This is very acceptable.
Anyways, through my travels I was able to find something that I could use to further explore this action done by the species:
You know, knowledge comes in various different forms. Academic discovery can happen through many different outlets.
It can come through experimentation, observation and sometimes…
And what were my findings?
Uh, it felt like a freaking blanket on my face. Beards are the sweatpants of the face. But more like yoga pants, since they look good. I mean, mine is a little unruly and all up in my mouth, but it did feel so warm and like a blanket.
I just wanted to take a nap while I was wearing it. And to play with it, because it was extremely soft and tantalizing.
Also, I looked good.
Look at that picture. I was so stoked when I took that picture. At that distance you can’t even tell that my hair is a different color or that the beard is much curlier than my hair.
I look like freaking Joaquin Phoenix.
In conclusion, I am now more than ever convinced that all men should have beards because they will attract you a mate and nap better.