So, it’s the middle of the night and once again I am up blogging.
Tonight I am thinking more about my personality and how it fits in with other people. Before I get into it though, did I ever mention on here that my legal name is Corina?
That’s what my birth certificate says, at least. But I do introduce myself as Corrie.
Okay, I go to work during the week. I wear a pencil skirt and heels everyday. I work in tech support for an international company. The people I work with call me “The Guru” and ask me their questions. Most of my good friends at work are over 30. Most people really like me.
I don’t mind public speaking, I enjoy it.
I’ve been told by a few of my coworkers that I am so confident that when I walk in a room, I take control without saying anything. I make sure no one outside of my house ever sees me upset or nervous or afraid.
I’m an adult and a confident woman. I hear I am sexy. This is Corina.
But the interesting thing is, that right there is a front for people who don’t know me.
Then I come home, or at least my parents home. I sleep on the bottom bunk of a bunk bed I share with my 14 year old brother. I can’t afford anything. I have $6.43 in my bank account.
I spent my day today sleeping and dancing alone in my room. I can’t sleep tonight, so I watch cartoons.
I’m stoked about a pair of Star Wars leggings I just bought online. I saw Jurassic Park 3D in theaters 5 times this year.
I do dances that I know make me look ridiculous at random times, because I think it’s funny. I also like to serenade people.
Yesterday a friend of mine said:
If Corrie is making a reference, it’s either Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings.
I want to seriously talk about the bees and literature. I want to paint and play music.
I’m a bit…eccentric. Corrie.
Why am I saying this?
Because there seems to be a disconnect here.
I remember when I first started my blog I posted something (I cant be bothered to link things past 2 am) about sexy, in control women and how I didn’t understand them. They look boring.
Yet this is how I come off when you first meet me…
Then you get to know me.
You see, I have a coworker that I am very good friends with. She is very sassy.
Well, when we first met at work and I told her to call me Corrie, she said Corina suited me better.
Then she got to know me and she realized I’m Corrie.
There is a serious disconnect. I can only be that sexy, confident Corina woman for about an hour tops. Then it’s my personality that contradicts it.
Which I’m not sure how I feel about that.
Just for example sake, there was a guy this week. Very handsome. And I was inadvertently flirting with him to the point of him blushing.
But I happen to know that I can’t really talk to him again, because that’s not sustainable.
You know when people say just be yourself? I’m not the type of person who can make men blush when they get to know me. My confident front can do that, but not really me.
If I were comfortable enough, my form of hitting on someone would sound like:
Hey Sailor, you’re handsome. I like you. What do you think is going on with the bees? Because I think it’s like when Jeff Goldblum said…
And we all know that being direct and honest always works. Also, we know that being intellectual works with men too.
That last sentence made me sad, but unfortunately it is what it is.
My sarcasm hurts me too apparently.
Anyways, someone told me recently that I could never go for “Mainstream” guys. I don’t like that, but it was something I already knew. I worry about that a lot actually. I have no clue what kind of person could handle all types of me.
It’s just like how I can never be anything but acquaintances with true Orange County girls. I can get along with anyone, but unfortunately my personality is not compatible for a deeper connection with “Mainstream” people.
It makes me sad.
I would never change who I am, because I am very fun and I’m happy with who I am.
But I can still be sad that its harder to find my types of people.
Because in the end I am Corrie Kartchner. The maverick.Follow @corzgalore