My New Persisting Fear of Blogging
To anyone who actually reads my blog on a consistent basis, they have probably noticed that I haven’t been posting a lot. Before I would post about 3 times a day, now I post about three times a month. That’s not ideal. So I thought I would set the record straight. Starting with the two biggest inquiries I’ve gotten.
1. Are you dead?
No, I’m not actually. Though I do feel I have been reborn which sounds very corny. I’ll explain in a moment.
2. Did you run out of things to blog about?
No, I still talk as much as always did, even more so I think. Which means that my mind is still running a hundred miles a minute and still producing the same amount of thoughts which could be turned into 3 posts a day.
So what did happen?
I actually fell into a bad place. I became very depressed. I noticed that my posts became sadder and sadder by the day. Strangely during this time is when I gained the most subscribers and had the most consistent views. It felt very cathartic blogging during this time.
Til someone approached me and said that they were reading my blog and I sounded like a cynical, depressed wench. They then proceeded to ask me if this was the person I wanted to be and how I wanted others to see me.
After this happening, I only got worse in my feelings. Not because of this specific event, but in general. This event though has left me with a fear when I am blogging. It has kept me from blogging so much as well. Whenever I went to blog something, this persons words were running through my head and I would rethink my blogging.
Well, I’m not depressed anymore, but I still didn’t blog. I guess I thought it didn’t matter whether I did or not. At least until this comment was posted.
L.A.
That freaked me out just as much as when you told us about the football sized crabs.
Funny thing is, this is the second time one of her comments have made me rethink things. Now, this is probably just a no thought comment she posted that she really didn’t mean anything to her. But it really made me stop and think. I guess it affected me because first off she brought up something I wrote 2 months ago, which I doubt she went and searched for that, AND how what I had written caused certain emotions and was very memorable for me.
The thing that struck me most though was “when you told us”. Us is plural. Us meaning multiple people heard about it. I guess I picture story time where I’m in the middle and all of “us” gathers round to hear me talk about football sized crabs or hair cholesterol. It made me realize that people are reading my blog and they are listening. Not only are they listening, they are taking it into their lives.
And if people really are listening to my insane ramblings, then I better keep going instead of suddenly shutting up. That’s just silliness.
Now you may think that I am just reading too much into this. SURPRISE! This is my blog and that’s what I do.
SO! I’m still afraid I sound like a depressed, cynical wench. It’s probably true. Proceed with caution.
