I’m shaking on the inside.
So, I am pretty freaking tired right now. Last night I went to bed at 9 so I would be all rested up for Monday morning work. Well, I happened to have a nightmare last night. I was Muslim and shunned from my church (what are their churches called?) for marrying the wrong man and so in an act of revenge against the man who did this (who was conveniently white) I used a disintegration ray on him and his child. After this happened, this man’s husband chased me down the street until eventually these redneck nudist serial killers took me in and stuck my hand in a blender. On the flip side, they had really small packages, so even though I lost my hand I feel like I won that scenario.
Anyways, as you can imagine, there were multiple reasons that I woke up at three in the morning scared out of my mind. I’m sure there is some sort of political or ethical reference in that dream, but I’d like to think that my subconscious is a very simple place. Also, I am not racist because I was the Muslim in that dream.
After writing that just now, I realize there are a lot of inconsistencies in that dream. Muslims don’t let white gay men shun their members. Or do they? And where was my husband who I got shunned for while my hand was being made into a smoothie? To have and to hold? PFF.
ANYWAYS! I’m having one of those days where you are so tired, you can barely focus on what is going on. When someone asks you a question, the only logical answer would be “I don’t know”. Why? Because you are so tired that you literally do not know anything.
It is a miracle that I have written this much on my blog.
You often hear about people discussing out-of-body experiences where they are there but not themselves. Being this tired is the closest I think I will ever get to that experience.
It’s also the closest thing that I have ever been to being in a coma. People are talking to me and I want to be there for it, but there is nothing processing upstairs.
I also find that when I get this tired, I feel very shaky. But on the inside more than anything. I don’t know if this happens for anyone else, it could be a result of past illnesses, but it is almost as if I have some sort of vibration going on underneath seeing as I am not in control of myself.
This little vibration makes it even more distracting to try to think. It also makes me feel more impulsive. Like I might lash out at someone who aggravates me. Or I might just say something stupid because I’m tired and out of control.
I don’t know if any of that made sense. Eh. Look at me, I’m just complaining and racist dreams.
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